18 April 2011


O my Lord, please help me... I' m begging for your help. I don't know what had happened to me. I feel so weak.So feeble.I'm the feeblest person in this world!! I'm such a feeble-minded person with the feeble-spirited. Why you test me with this hard conjecture? Why? Why?!! You can't do this to me. But.. my heart says 'Hamidudeen..Allah knows the best for you.'

Please... help me O Allah. I need your help. I look into my self for what wrongs I had commit. I found an abundant of my disobey acts. But, I found no point why I became like this. I try hard to discover what wrong with my self. I don't know when and why I became like this. I try to wake up from this miscarry responsible. But.. I'm not strong enough..I'm fall back with the remnants of faith. My faith is so thin, thinner than the onion's skin, I think. I'm not a faithful person but I'm trying, O my Lord. I'll keep trying to be a faithful person. But.. for how long? For how long?!!

For how long I must face these conjectures and severe anticipations? I'm just a common guy. I'm not knowledgeful person or a great guy or.. a faithful guy and something like that. That's why I always say that I'm still 'JAHIL'! I look into my past. My past was all about a bright day. Never alike with nowaday, a dark and unmotivated day. I could remember the moment that I told my brotherhoods,

" We are a Muslim! It is our resposible to propagate the Makruf and stop the spread of Munkar with our ability. By hook or by crook, we must DO it! An authentically narrated hadith had already stated:' Whoever pledged the testimony of faith, he is a Da'ie '. So, we must practise the saying of our Prophet by spreading Islam... I meant the only true religion."

But... that was me. It is all about 'WAS', the story of my past. The past of my self. And now I have change a lot. Not 'a good guy' anymore. I am not eligible to talk about ' PERJUANGAN' anymore.Even about 'Tarbiyyah'. NO more 'Mujahid' or.. 'Mujahidah' in the dictionary of my life after this.I want to forget about them. I'm really mean it. I'll go on with my life without them anymore.But..could I? Could I stepping without them? No,I can't.I don't think so. I never hate 'Perjuangan','Tarbiyyah',' Ukhuwwah' or something like that but.. I think this is the time for me to stop temporarily to observe,analyze and formulate a better strategy. Aarrgghhhh!!!!!! Please... Allah... help me...look after my self. I have nobody... except You.. my Lord and my Overlord.

O my nice friends, my comrades, my lovely brotherhoods,brothers and sisters,mujahideen and mujahidah(this may be the last time I use this terms) thanks for being so nice and helpful to me, I'm not a good person for all of you. Please forget all of my good deeds and helps to you. Forget me and go on with your life. May be one day we will... hmm..nothing. Below is my mobile phone number and e-mail:

You can still contact me about a short period because soon I will change my phone number.Once again, thanks for being so nice to me.Thanks my brotherhoods and sisterhoods. Thanks. Assalamualykoum..

Mohd Hamiduddin Ismail
18 April 2011/ 14 Jamadil Awwal 1432H
'New' journey will start after this...


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